Archive Site


Compare Charts


Is it too soon? and what to do?

rated by 0 users
This post has 1 Reply | 0 Followers

Page 1 of 1 (2 items)
Not Ranked
Posts 10
SMSmith Posted: 06-24-2011 8:41 PM

I have two kids from previous relationship. DS 3 and DD 2. Their dad lives in another state and only time he wants anything to do with them is if he has a new gf so he can show them off. Due to his work, he was rarely around even when we were together, and didnt do anything with them when he was there. Therefore the kids never had a true father figure (besides my dad).

Most of their father's family is the same way, they'll only contact you if they want something and when I try to go visit they never have time. I want my kids to know that side of their family but even when I was with the ex, HE didnt want to visit any of HIS family. To my knowledge his family still doesnt know the ex has a 3rd kid who is older than my 2. How long do I try to keep communication open with these people? And when should a I call it quits? Is it a lost cause?

On a better note, I've been with a guy for 6 months and I'm honestly the happiest I've ever been and can see us together 50 yrs from now. The kids have both started calling him dad, him and I have talked about it, and it feels right to both of us. For a man who has no kids of his own, he'll actually get to their level and play with them, it truly suprised me at first... maybe cuz their own father wont do that? I dont know.

My SO has completely jumped in head first... In fact he's even asked about down the road if he could look into adopting them. So how soon do I introduce my kids to his family? Do I try to avoid my kids calling his mom Grandma? or do I let them ease into that, considering we'd like kids together one day and dont want them treated differently?

I fully expect my kids' Bio-Father to phase himself out of the picture. He's already doing a good job on that as is. So on the rare occation he does try to call or something... how do I refer to him? He's clearly not a "Dad" and I dont feel comfortable giving him that label. Maybe 'father' would work? or is it better just to go by first name?

so many questions... :(

Not Ranked
Posts 3
PinkPolkaDots replied on 06-26-2011 1:24 PM

My policy was for the kids not to use names like Grandma until we were engaged and it was a short engagement as well. We didn't want the kids forming that kind of attachment without a true commitment.  My kids' dad and paternal grandparents are still in their lives, but we made it clear to them they have two dads now and more grandparents. For us, that really didn't come until after the wedding though.

Page 1 of 1 (2 items) | RSS